Declaration of Intent

[Originally written over a month ago. Still serves as a fine introduction to the seeshawnblog project.]

November 8.

I don’t know if this will work. Doesn’t a writer have to enjoy writing? Doesn’t he or she look forward to the game, the process, the release; in a way such as an athlete? I don’t think I like it: that's what I am trying to say. But I want the result. To bestow a greatness unto others that I meet. To express myself clearly to myself. And above all, to assure all that I am capable of magnanimity. If there are great thoughts lurking, how else would they be found except by searching?

Every once and a while, I will cough one up. That is certainly true. A cough is a rejection of a harmful agent working its way through one's body. These thoughts are not to be rejected though. The tuberculosis patient, at least as he is presented in my imagination, reserves a special cloth for his bloody rejections. Here is my cloth.

Again : It’s like a finding lucky penny. But I cannot live off of those. I need to earn an honest wage. Here it is. Not lucky any longer, but merited.

I hope to God, no-one reads these things. Not just because I’m vulnerable. But because my vulnerability is naked, is average. Fail excellently if nothing else (If you are going to fail). Frame the failure and put it on a wall for all to see, that’s no bother. But I cannot endure to display me as I am (that's wallpaper).

Maybe I enjoy it. Maybe it scares and intimidates me. The empty spaces accuse me, and whisper thoughts into my head. This space is a door for them to enter. They come inside together and rummage through the drawers of my mind, the closets, and the garage. Of course, they find nothing and leave the place a mess. Stomp them out with your shoe like a finished cigarette. . .

And, what is creation? An extension of oneself. It’s a shame that words get in the way and my object is wrapped up in them like a present.

Writing/creating is the imitation of God. Explosions in the sky (think Genesis) and in my head. God is the Creator (of heaven and earth), I am the creator of this page. Will God see Himself? Will I see God? Imagine the divine creation. God’s creation unlimited in scope and idea. Setting out in the confidence that He could produce nothing inferior, and nothing untrue, and nothing ugly. That is artistic freedom! Oh, how I admire the working of God!